Epilogue
What I can see is that this podcast has been as much for me as it has for you.
This is the energetic of everything sacred we create: we get the medicine of our own creation.
When we birth a frequency, that frequency works us to the next octave of our own journey and removes anything from us that is standing in the way of us and it. So that we become it.
The completion of this podcast is what allowed the nourishment of my dark feminine journey to be fully integrated all the way into my cells, my bones, and my DNA. It happened with the completion of the final episode.
The other day after I published the 'Completion' episode, I felt it - the full integration of feminine power in my body.
And the rightness I felt in relationship with it.
My whole life, I had been demonizing it as a 'turn off', repulsive. Too intense. And so I had split from it.
And what I found once I allowed her all the way back in is that this power in me is fiercely loving. And lovable. That people feel more of who they are on in its presence. They feel their own power.
In these last few months, I have had many embodied experiences of feeling the divine energy in my body, fully awakened codes of essence, remembrance, safety, service, reception, my sacred fire, and the frequency of the priestess path.
And each time it is with so much reverence, gratitude, and appreciation. On my knees in thanks and the committed desire to serve.
I'm just really clear that I will fully back this frequency no matter what.
Done deal. Full Devotion.
Now I have clean power in my system. LOTS and LOTS of energy.
So, I've found that at this stage of my work with the feminine, it's all about learning to ride this energy wave without getting too forward on my board.
I have a tendency to get over the top of the wave and pop out. To lose my center.
Because what is happening here is there this much energy creates major sensation in my body.
And through my childhood I learned that sensation in my body is threatening.
Even if 'desirable', I had been afraid to receive it. Historically, I hadn't felt safe to receive, meaning I haven't trusted that I can 'just' receive - I always thought I had to earn it first.
But also because receiving itself is highly sensational. It's vulnerable. Because it requires us to be OPEN.
And because it requires us to HOLD and digest the energy of what we've received. Rather than squandering it because this amount of power feels like too much responsibility.
I've been witnessing how easy it is to go out of range here.
I can feel that She is giving me the assignment of practicing how I use my energy here (is this use consumptive? or is this generative?), and holding it with precision. With great care and attention. Like how I served my body these last months.
To connect with her again and again, and not just ride it out on fumes from the first impulse without checking in again until there is no gas left.
And to stay fucking home. In my body. Low and slow. With the sensation. Even here. Especially here.
From this spot I feel my desire, like the strongest magnet. Calling to her everything that is for her.
And naturally repelling that which is not. So, yes, the feminine is repulsive, but only when it's true. I can trust her repulsion, her destruction, as much as her creation.
My field is lit up like a power grid, already activating those who are called to it into their own codes of power, along with the development of the energetic mastery required to wield it.
